Originally published on the Huffington Post on 1/22/09.

As I grew up, in my mind, I saw the idea of a glass ceiling or a gender gap in the workplace as a relic. It was for the history books, something my mom and grandmother had to deal with, but never something I would encounter. In my generation – I’m 22 – women sometimes even take equality for granted, grumbling about a bygone era when guys used to be (chauvinist) gentlemen.

But, is the battle really over? Can we rightfully declare victory and move on with our daily lives? Lately, I’ve been thinking the answer’s no. If you look at the actual statistics, they show we still have a ways to go.

While women account for 57% of all college students, only 2% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women according to a 2008 PEW Research Study. Only two percent? It’s easy to rationalize away differences in women’s outcomes as differences in choices not opportunities. Women make less than men (76.5% of what men earn, according to a 2004 study), but maybe it’s because of the choices women make. Many choose to slow down their careers to have children. Women often value having a little more free time rather than working longer work weeks. Women choose to go into “pink-collar” careers like sales and PR that pay less than more technical options (and I’m a little guilty myself since I’m on the marketing side). But if the choices are causing differences this stark we need to look at what’s causing them.

Working in the tech industry in the Silicon Valley, I see the biggest divide in my daily life. I regularly go to iPhone and Android developer meetups and am one of the few girls there (and sometimes the only one). At the tech startup I work with I’m the only full-time female employee. But having been involved some in the recruiting process myself, I know the answer isn’t sexism. Men are simply much, much more likely to apply for these jobs.

What is it about women or our society that makes tech seem so unattractive to the female gender? Perhaps I’m the wrong person to ask, since in many ways I’m the exception to the rule — I had my own domain name by age 11, was programming websites by high school, and am currently working for a tech startup.

Instead of looking for issues in hiring or the workplace, I think we need to look at attitudes. A report was recently released from the New Image for Computing project that found that 45% of boys thought computer science would be a “very good” major for them compared to only 10% of girls. Girls need role models to show them that the tech world is not a boys only club. Our society makes it all too clear that everything “techie” from computer games, to programming, to gadgets, are centered around boys (just take a recent Droid commercial as an example).

Women need role models to show them that being involved in tech isn’t a bad thing (my dad and siblings are the ones who encourage me). Yet, with such a huge gender gap, all women see at tech events and in tech companies is that tech is all about men. Only 5 percent of computer programmers are women, and women lead only 5 to 6 percent of major high tech companies in the Silicon Valley (source). That’s part of the reason I’ll be going to the Girls in Tech Catalyst Conference next week because there simply aren’t enough times when girls in technology get a chance to form a common bond.

I don’t have the solution. I wish I did, but I think the answer lies in bringing the issue out into the open. Let’s not pretend that everything is completely equal and no work’s left to be done. But let’s also not simply blame the system and deem the situation impossible. Let’s talk.

Fear holds us back. Sometimes it holds us back for good reason, it keeps us safe. But it can hold us back from greater things as well. And with that I’ll leave you with more eloquent words than mine…

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

-Marianne Wilson (although often misattributed to Nelson Mandela)

This poem strikes a chord with me, but I’d love to hear what you think. What scares you? Does fear ever influence you in good ways? Ways you regret?

Early last year I was knee-deep in a job search and also a perhaps predictable crisis trying to “find” myself and figure out just what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

Luckily, I soon came to the much more manageable conclusion that while figuring out the rest of my life was dauntingly impossible, I could find what I wanted to do in the next few years (or attempt it anyway).

And indeed, I did finally find the right job for me. I started work for Mobclix, a mobile ad exchange, last July. As July approached I was both excited and a bit terrified of joining this “real world” I’d heard so much about.Was it really quite as devoid of fun as adults made it seem? Luckily, I’ve discovered the answer is no.

In fact, at times it seems just like college:

1. I’m surrounded by smart people, and they are all pretty close to my own age.
2. I always have too much work to do and not enough time.
3. I’m learning every day (many days, I’m learning much more than I did in college) — about social media, giving real life presentations (definitely different from school presentations), talking to developers (our target market), and how to best work together with colleagues.
4. There’s always junk food around (and this definitely isn’t always bad…)

Oh and in case you’re curious, here’s the ways the real world (or my real world to be more accurate) is definitely different from college…

1. Having a real job brings new meaning to the “I don’t have enough time in the day” problem. I thought I was busy in college. Now I know what busy is (and I’m sure my older sisters with kids will tell me I still don’t know what busy is, but luckily I don’t have to worry about that yet).
2. Evaluation isn’t so simple. You don’t just get a grade.
3. The gender balance is little bit different. At least in my case where I work with basically all guys since I’m in a tech startup. See my recent blog post on Huffington Post for my take on that.
4. There’s less room for perfection. I found in college I could study long enough to get everything done — definitely at the cost of my own free time, but it was possible. Now, I simply cannot get everything done and I have to try to get as much stuff done well as I can. Getting something done “perfectly” is a waste of time.
5. It’s easy to lose sight of the big picture. In college people are always asking you “what do you want do after you graduate,” “where do you see yourself in 5/10 years?,” and generally debating the meaning of life. Work leaves less time for that. Occasionally, I have to take a step back and decide I’m still heading in the right direction. For now, the answer is definitely yes.

I’ll be the first to admit, I love planning. There’s something so satisfying about planning things out so you don’t waste time and you’re on track to reach your goals.

But, then this thing called life happens. Your plan falls apart and you have to start from scratch. Those are the moments that determine who we are as people. And let’s be honest, those are the moments you remember. Times like driving to Yosemite at 3AM, talking about life until the wee hours of the morning, and coming out ahead after 17 last-minute changes at work.

Maybe you already know this, maybe you’ve already found the perfect balance of spontaneity and planning to live a happy and fulfilled life. But, for those of you who, like me, suffer occasionally from over-planning, I have a few tips that might help…

1. Watch out for game changers. Some opportunities are so big, so cool, and so awesome you just can’t say no to them.  Most times it’s so obvious when that happens that you don’t need me to tell you anything. Watch out for the not-so-obvious game changers too – the networking event, the blog post or article – sometimes it’s the small things that determine where you end up in life.
2. Flash forward. Imagine yourself looking back at this moment 10 years from now or even on your deathbed and think about your decision from that perspective. It’s too easy to get caught up by what you wanted three months ago when you made the plan instead of what’s right for you now. Use the “am I going to kick myself later?” metric.
3. Don’t forget about fun. Are you missing out because you have your life so meticulously planned that you can’t even take a coffee break?  Seriously, you should ask this question. Life is not just about advancing your career.  And sometimes that break is just what you needed to get your work done.

So, how necessary is planning? How do you decide when to let go?

My slideshow of the 5 Best iPhone Apps to Take on a Date is out now, on the Huffington Post. Check it out.

Problem: New apartment that needs a couch when my car is a Mini Cooper.

Solution: Guy in Ikea ties a whole bunch of rope around the couch and I actually make it home. Nice.

Haven’t you heard? It’s Big Picture Day. Today you are not allowed to think about the 74 unread emails in your inbox, the fact that you only have two clean pairs of socks left, or any everyday tasks. Today you should discover the meaning of life, rethink your career path, or come up with a new business idea.

Okay, so clearly I’ve made this day up, but isn’t it a good idea? I was tallying my mental to-do list yesterday and realized that somewhere in that list was: 42) discover the meaning of life. In a typical day I rarely get past my top 10 to do list items, so I haven’t gotten there yet, but, sometimes I have to leave aside the “high-priority” items like that research paper, and instead take a step back to look where I’m going.

If you’d prefer you advice from someone with a bit more philosophical cred, then I have the perfect quote for you:

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

-Socrates

Oftentimes we blindly pursue our goals and don’t take the time to question them. We think we need to be successful by making lots of money or fulfilling our parents’ expectations. We’re so busy climbing our ladder to success that we don’t stop to think about whether we’ll like the top of the ladder when we get there.

A new twitter movement started two days ago to help people find jobs. @You2Gov suggested creating a new hashtag (hashtags are like categories/subjects for twitter), #rtjobs, which stands for ReTweet Jobs. The central idea being that if you hear of a job you should tweet it with the hashtag #rtjobs. And if you’re looking for a job you should search twitter for #rtjobs and see what’s out there. It seems like it could be a great way to use social media to help in the job search (hey, it certainly couldn’t hurt).

If you’re completely unfamiliar with Twitter, there’s no time like the present to start. It’s getting extra buzz lately because it was the place to break the news about the Hudson plane crash. Go to twitter.com. Investigate, tweet (tweets are brief messages or status updates that have to be 140 characters or less). Follow people you think are interesting (this means you get updated on their tweets). Perhaps even follow me. For a more in-depth guide check out Cnet’s Newbies guide to Twitter.

Yesterday I overheard a conversation between two of my hallmates (also seniors) and an applicant…

Applicant: “So it’s really hard to get a job right now, right? What are you guys going to do?”

Senior 1: “God yes. Basically, we’re trying to avoid the job market for as long as possible”

Senior 2: “We’re just going to stay in school for as long as they’ll let us.”

As I was listening to this, I was revising yet another cover letter for a job application. I have to admit their plan started to sound pretty good. Every time I look at the news, I read about yet another company laying people off. 8,000 jobs cuts have been announced as of 12PM today (reported by CNN Money). The Associated Press reports doubts on whether Obama’s stimulus package will in fact create jobs.It is certainly a terrible time to be looking for a job.

But is graduate school the answer? Not according to Penelope Trunk. Her post today advises “Don’t try to dodge the recession with grad school.” She points out that on the job learning may be just as valuable or more so than a graduate degree. Plus you’re getting paid for it. According to her, graduate school “pointlessly delays adulthood.” This seems a little harsh. Certainly graduate school is a requirement for some career choices. In any case, for those of us who were on the fence about graduate school or starting to wish we had applied, Penelope gives plenty of reasons to think twice. The only problem remaining, of course, is actually finding that job…

Sounds too good to be true? Just give me a second to explain. This quarter, at Stanford, I’m taking a class called The Pursuit of Happiness. As you can imagine, it’s been a pretty interesting class. We’re looking at psychological studies of happiness to try and figure out how people can become happier. Good stuff.

I want to share a definition of stress that I learned the other day…

Stress is our appraisal of whether or not we can handle what we think we have to with what we have available to us.

Okay so you’re stressed, right? Stop for a second, think about why you’re stressed. It’s probably because you think you have too much to do and not enough time, right? Just the thought of it is raising your blood pressure (note: this is very bad for you, stress also lowers your immune system, makes you fat, and does lots other fun stuff. Expect me to post more on this at a later date). Take a deep breath, and realize, that, you actually can handle it. Come on, you’ve made it this far, and not for nothing I’m sure. So relax, there’s nothing in your day that you can’t handle. I’m pretty sure of this because you have to handle it every day and have survived as of yet. So stop stressing and get working!

I found this definition helped me mentally talk myself down from stress really easily. I’d love to hear your opinon though. What do you do to combat stress? Does this help you?